the give & the take.

It is so easy to explain happiness! Here, I will show you. I am so happy because my book came out on Tuesday. It was the most perfect day. We woke early and S rolled over and said something like, is there anyone in this bedroom that had a book come out today? and I pretended not […]

hothotheat

The things that break my heart are unpredictable and strange. They aren’t obvious or loud. They aren’t the things you might expect. They’re small things. Words on a page. Words are never very long. A grown up man working in a teenage girls’ department store. The specific stillness of an apartment between the hours of […]

spain in black and white.

I find the rolls of film in a desk drawer. I’ve been moving around a lot- New York to Connecticut to Scotland to Los Angeles- and things are resurfacing. Lost things are being found. Two rolls of black and white film. I think they’re both from Edinburgh and so I’m not in a rush to […]

ermines.

I wake up from a strange dream. There’s a mattress covered in blood, and I check my own bed to make sure I wasn’t murdered in my sleep. In the dream, an old woman was stabbed. For three nights she had hallucinations, black ermines wrapped around her throat, clawing her skin. I was the only […]

photo diary/ the louvre.

photographs taken at the Louvre in Paris, France with a Minolta X-700 works of art, in order: 1 & 2: The Winged Victory of Samothrace, artist unknown 3: Mona Lisa by Da Vinci 4: Venus de Milo by Alexandros of Antioch 5: St. Mary Magdalene, attributed to Gregor Erhart 6: Portrait of Madame Recamier by Jacques Louis David

on remembering.

I don’t have a good memory. I mean—it doesn’t behave. But maybe I’m being too hard on myself. Maybe that’s typical of everyone’s memory. We forget the important moments. We forget the things we want to remember. We remember the things we’d give anything—anything—to forget. We remember the things we would scoop out of our brains […]

thirty-two weeks gone.

This is the last time I’ll write one of these. In five days I leave Scotland for the next big thing, the next weird adventure. I’m not quite ready to announce what that is, but in some ways it’s safer than coming here and in other ways it’s a whole new set of risks and […]