the last of the year.

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It is raining in Los Angeles, which in reality is a very good and useful thing but in my brain becomes conflated, too-meaningful, drenched in metaphor. Like the city is being cleaned away, being readied, being prepared for a brand new year- two thousand and fifteen! An inconceivable amount of time and yet just a drop in the bucket of so much more time, time before me and time before humans and time before dinosaurs and time before this planet even dreamed of holding life.

Last night I slept weird and woke hot and with an aching back and from a dream in which I had pleaded with a young police officer not to give me a parking ticket and finally won, triumphant I watched him rip up the tiny square of paper and then I opened my eyes and didn’t know where I was until I did- oh yeah, Santa Monica and it is still raining.

I booked a very long trip to the East Coast for Christmas, long enough for the place where I board my cat to be like- that is a very long time. I feel bad about leaving him but he always seems to have a good time. The person who watches him notes, on his report card, that he enjoys anything with catnip in it and he prefers not to play with the other cats but to watch them from a high vantage point. This seems somehow perfect.

For Thanksgiving S and I went to Palm Springs and it wasn’t hot enough. Like- it was hot but not burning, and I wanted to be burned. And then when we drove home the skies over our city seemed so dark and then it started raining and it hasn’t really stopped, just paused.

Yesterday we saw Birdman and it was just fine, so I’m not sure why everyone is so all about it.

Anyway there’s under a month now until I am thirty years old and that is an even smaller drop in the aforementioned bucket of time and so it doesn’t seem like the biggest deal. Things will go on like they are going on, I will continue to write stories and make music and take pictures and still feel, at the end of the day, like I am not quite contributing enough. But to what? The bucket? I don’t know.

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IMG_7766photographs taken in Joshua Tree

 

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