ten weeks gone.


It was fall for a couple weeks and now it’s moving quickly towards winter, cold days and cold wind and in the mornings it’s grey and the stairway, without heat, is freezing.

I read a science fiction crime novel for school. I fall asleep in mid morning after talking to S in California and I hear music playing through thready speakers. It takes a while to figure out it’s not real. It’s coming from inside my head. These are the kindest sorts of hallucinations. Gentle lullabies; a quiet radio. It lasts for two full songs and then I fall asleep. It doesn’t follow me there.

Last night I dreamt of heroin addictions, drug dealers climbing through windows, my cat weaving in and out of my legs.

This morning I put my hair up in curlers, wrapped it in a scarf, and went to the post office to mail a neat stack of Christmas cards. It was one thirty in the afternoon. The man in front of me was drunk. He swayed a constant, tight circle. The whole place stunk of alcohol. He couldn’t open his eyes all the way.

On Friday G and I went to the ballet. We saw Sleeping Beauty. I liked it until the last three or four minutes. I found them gratuitous, unnecessary. Afterwards we got a drink. It had started snowing.

Oh, really, G said, peering outside. Really? 

Really, I said.

In two days my best friend and her husband arrive from Vermont. I buy beer and wine and clean the kitchen.

It is amazing, really, the mobility of coffee grinds.

They get everywhere.

I sweep them all into the trash. I make a table lamp out of old bottles and fairy lights.

I close the blinds to keep the heat in.

I wish I was someplace warmer.



photographs taken with a Canon t1i.

find all weekly travel updates here.


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